I am at a loss.
I miss home. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss familiarity.
I've been here just over 4 months. 4 months and 8 days to be exact. For a while there I felt like this was it. This is where I was going to be from now on but I'm definately not sure about that anymore. As I look back on these 4 months I realize that they have been THE hardest of my life. I am facing 2 of the biggest trials I've ever had right now and I don't like it. I don't like feeling like I'm loosing these battles. This is so hard on my mind and my heart and my soul.
And what makes it harder is feeling like there is no clear solution to these problems. All paths are filled with bumps, hurdles, more pain, more trials, more uphill fighting- which I'm ok with. BUT which on will get me where I want to be? I know we all go through these messy parts of life and that's why I write- I want to hear your survival stories. How did you make hard decisions? How did you know you were headed the right way when you couldn't see the end? What gave you comfort?
I had to get that out. I'm dying over here! I'm a talker not a keep-it-insider and so lets talk.
Wish me luck!!!!
About Me
- Shelby
- Salt Lake City, Utah
- We only get one shot here so I might as well enjoy it! I love camping, dining out, swimming in lakes, finding the perfect gift for someone, fixing up yard sale finds, dark chocolate peanut M&M's, romantic gardens, cooking, getting dressed up and crispy tacos.
8 comments:
thats what is great about moving away from home! you get to realize what you left behind.. I dont think your soul would let you be in one place forever anyways.. I think that is just YOU!! just put yourself in the present.. enjoy whats here now.. and be positive.. some people get stuck in the same hometown forever and live with regret.. you have your while life to "settle" down .. i was the same way when I moved here.. my heart was still in canada and I wasnt living here in the moment.. once I realized that this was just a notch in my lifes belt.. and if I am going to live in the states for a bit.. I am going to LIVE IN THE STATES! i put away all my sadness and started to have fun :) and look... if i didnt move down here.. I wouldnt have become friends with you ! :)
Hi Shelby, you don't know me, but I have visited your blog before and wanted to say something (and i hope it isn't too weird since we don't know each other!). I have been EXACTLY where you are. If you can get past a year, things get much easier - at 2 yrs in a place you start to feel more at home, but 4 months-1 yr is the hardest time. I'm sure that sounds like a looong time from now, but just know you will become the most amazing version of yourself by enduring the hardships!
Things that help: taking out a calendar and scheduling social things to do, going to groups where you meet people (go at least 3x and you will make a friend), creating a vision board (google it) of all the things you want to experience in life! I put up pictures of old friends, happy married people, rooms in a house, etc., and I found comfort in knowing those things would be in my future... no matter where I live. Take the time right now to figure out what makes you happy and just know it probably will never get any harder then what you feel right now. I hope those thoughts help! --Lindsay :)
Hi Shelby, you truly are in a tough place. I hope you really, really figure it out, [it's just between you and HF.] Pray, pray, pray, and above all, pray. You'll get the answer. I know what I want for you and the boy friend, but you’ve got to be the one to put it all together, all the pros and cons, and the ups and downs. I think some of the things that attracted him to you in the first place were your strong sense of self, your faith, your conviction of what you want and who you are. He thought that was so hot! [My opinion . . .] Don't give any of that up! If he wants you, he’ll turn the corner.
we had our chat on the phone five minutes ago. shalom.
shelby dear. i'm sorry you're missing everything so much! it makes decision making extra hard because you have so much pulling on your heart strings.
usually when we have a big decision to make, i know when we've found the right option because i feel a peace about it. i think through all the options, weigh out the pros/cons. and make a decision. if i feel peaceful about it i know its the right one. if i still feel turmoil, it means i'm confused for a reason.
don't know if that helps/makes sense. good luck my dear!
Prayer and Faith!! Pray about what you should do Shelby...make a choice and pray to your Heavenly Father and ask if it was the right choice. My husband owns his own construction company in Layton Ut...well thanks to this lovely economy there is not a lot of work in Utah anymore. We have come across an offer in Texas....so the only thing we can do is Pray that it all works out. And that we can sell our house in this horrible market and that our Father in Heaven will watch over us. TRIALS and BURDENS....that which doesn't kill us Shelby only makes us stronger! Hope that helps ya!!
Shelbs- The hardest decision I ever made was deciding to go on a mission. I KNEW I had to go, the problem is I didn't really want to go. I was so busy and happy with school, life, my boyfriend, roommates. Everything was looking up and then one day like a bombshell the spirit smacked up top the head and said "GO and GO NOW" I couldn't deny it any more, other things no longer made me as happy because I knew I had to leave it all behind. SO after about 6 months of denying the feeling, breaking up with someone I was truly in love with and wanted to marry, turning down opportunites at BYU for many leaderships positions in my career, and breaking my best friends heart I went. And it was the hardest thing I ever did. It was terrible. I was very inempt at being a missionary, I missed home, I missed the love of my life, I missed school. I was so out of my comfort zone with people slamming the door in my face, calling me a liar and a whore, having my faith tested in so many ways, not having any success, wondering what the Lord wanted me to be doing there in the first place as I was no good at being a missionary. I really wish I could say that my mission got easier--I never had much so-called-baptism-success (it was a tough mission in general). I felt worlds behind in school when I got home. I struggled every day of my mission to work hard and have the courage to do what missionaries do. BUT with all of that I would NEVER have traded being there. I think it was like the only think that ever was really hard for me in my whole life (up intil that point). I grew because I was streched by a loving Heavenly Father. I grew in knowledge, faith and testimony. Those benefits were worth the 1.5 years of heart ache and what seemed like hell. There are days now that I long for "home--of Kirtland and Ohio" I yearn to be back in that place when I see a picture or talk to someone from there. It's strange how much I love that place even with all the heart ache. Oh and I found my man on the mission...not that I meant to. It just happened, it was a blessing, sent from heaven, I would never have imagined and never would have got otherwise.
So that's my story, hope it helps. I would say figure out what Heavenly Father wants you to do and even if it's hard and seemingly miserable, just do whatever it is He wants and it'll all work out for your good in the end. Love and miss you sweet face and watching you high jump--Kels
I had a hard time when I moved to Logan and that wasn't even that far from the people I loved and knew. And in fact I still have a hard time here. I really like it but I don't want to live here. But really the only thing that got me through living up here (before I married Tron) was knowing that when I prayed about it this was the place I was supposed to be. And I think that's all you really can hold on to when there is no end in sight. There's just something that heavenly father wants you to learn from the experience. good luck lady!
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